In times of
sadness I turn to writing. Writing is the one thing that, no matter what the
time or place or situation, I know I can do. It helps me straighten out my
thoughts. It helps me come to conclusions. It helps me. And right now I feel
like I could use some help.
I am by no
means an expert on relationships. I am not trained, I have no qualifications or
degrees or achievements, and I most certainly have not been through a ton of
them. But right now I am on the ass end of one, I am in pain, and I have thoughts.
You never
really know what you’re doing…with anything. Life ebbs and flows and just when
you think you’ve got it all figured out everything changes and you’re back at
square one again. Just like jobs or schooling or activities change, so do relationships,
especially at the age I’m at now.
College is
an odd time when you think about it. For four years you’re thrown into this
microcosm of the human experience. Your school could be a thousand miles from
your home and filled with people you have never met and lifestyles you know
nothing about. And then during the summer you’re back home in a different
community with old friends who have changed just like you have. You have no
permanency, no base, no solid ground. Now throw a relationship on top of that.
It can be
amazing. When you find someone you click with even the stupidest and simplest
things can be the most fun moments you’ve ever had. It can be filled with the
happiest times and the most real and true joy you can ever experience. It’s
said that Love is the strongest emotion, and I wholeheartedly agree. It makes
everything better, and the memories it creates will never go away.
But
sometimes, actually most times, it doesn’t last. Life changes situations and
the volatility of college only makes it harder. Most relationships end, and it
is obviously not always easy. It sucks, it hurts, and in the moment it feels
like it will never get better. The plan is ruined and nothing is right.
But there
was no plan. There was no Grand Outline or anything of the sort. Things happen
for a reason, and whether it’s fate or divine intervention or just an effect of
a previous cause, relationships end. And when that happens, and unfortunately
it most likely will, you have two options. You can mope and beat yourself up
and wonder why you weren’t good enough, or you can move forward. Trust me, I
know which one is easier, and it is SO much easier. Everyone does it, I do it
with way more than just romantic relationships, but that doesn’t change the
fact that it is counterproductive. You cannot find happiness in disbelief of
yourself or your worth.
Pick your
head up, plaster a fake smile across your face, and move on. You learned about
yourself and about others. You made memories and you had happy times. Use those.
You will find somebody that makes you even happier, you will find Love again,
and in the end you will discover a new (hopefully much more permanent) plan.
The world
is out there, and only a very small part of it has ended. Relationships are
good, Love is good, and You are good.
I feel
better now.
